Our (ADHD) Story
By: Jes Cates
My whole life I thought I was a weirdo. I thought I was stupid for misunderstanding something everyone else thought was “so simple.” People thought I was awkward because they didn’t understand when I tried to explain something. Then I realized that I have ADHD, this doesn’t make people’s perception of me change or change how I feel about it, but it gives me solace to know I’m not alone.
People with ADHD have a different level of focus compared to neurotypical people, which affects our daily life. Especially in our social lives, it’s difficult to make connections with people, especially neurotypical people as they interact very differently than people with ADHD.
In my experience, I’ve been seen as too quiet, too loud, soft-spoken, too talkative, etc. I especially have difficulty with switching up words when I speak, talking too fast, and not enunciating properly. So, I am writing this article because I want people to be more empathetic towards each other, even if it means just encouraging them to speak even if their story is a little disorganized, or they have a stutter, or whatever it is.
Caption: Artistic representation of the difference between neurotypical and neurodivergent peoples' brains. Credit: NeverDefeatedCoaching.
The way most neurodivergent people communicate also differs. Many struggle with knowing when it’s “their turn” to speak, keeping their input to a conversation concise, and allowing others to speak. Personally, I often don’t know how to keep the conversation going, especially when it’s something I don’t know much or I’m not passionate about. That being said, when it’s something I am passionate about I find myself ranting almost nonsense and never letting other people have the floor.
Along with this, our body language can also be different. Many people have difficulty making or holding eye contact in a conversation. Many of my friends have ways around this, like looking at the person’s nose, eyebrows, hair, etc. or just making themselves busy with a task. This is usually off-putting for people. My mom constantly asks me why I don’t look at her, and to be honest, I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m fine with it sometimes and other times I just stare at a wall, I don’t know.
Caption: Person searching for things due to lack of object permanence. Credit: CareClinic
Additionally, people with ADHD may have difficulty interacting with people because of their struggle with object permanence. Object permanence is understanding that objects or people, even though we can’t see them, are still there. For me, this means almost never missing people. Even though I like my family, when they’re gone I don’t really notice their absence.
This also means that when I’m not constantly seeing or texting my friends, or being surrounded by things that remind me of them, I don't really think about them. Sometimes, this makes me worry that I don’t even like my friends. I worry that I’ve stopped liking my friends, family, or partner, but nope, I just feel like this because we haven’t talked to each other today.
Even though our seeming lack of object permanence may come off as uncaring, many of us also deal with RSD, rejection sensitivity disorder. This disorder essentially amplifies the feeling of being abandoned by real or perceived rejection. This makes it difficult to know the difference between someone being genuinely rude or actually ignoring me from someone who’s just busy today or whose tone is a little off.
All these stressors and issues that make us different from other people make life very difficult. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, roughly only 4.4% of adults have been diagnosed with ADHD. Even though it’s difficult to get diagnosed, especially for females, as symptoms are so vastly different between the two sexes and even person to person, the majority of people are neurotypical, or their ADHD does not severely interfere with their lives.
Because of all this, finding people who can relate to our issues is very difficult, and that’s why neurodivergent people mostly make friends who are neurodivergent or know what it’s like to be constantly misunderstood. So, I’m hoping this article has made you more empathetic to other people’s issues. Just because on the outside, they’re stuttering or not making eye contact, that doesn’t mean they don't deserve respect.
