Thinking About The Future; My Experience Of College Tours From A Chronic Overthinker

By Abby Kornele

I’ve spent most of my life lost in thought. When you’re someone who is constantly thinking and inside of their own brain you tend to get comfortable. It is like a safe space. But there comes times where you can’t control the thoughts happening in your brain. The future is a thought that takes over this space of mine quite frequently. I’ll sit in bed at night trying to think of where I see myself in 3 years, but it can be hard picturing myself anywhere but the present. The idea of the unknown can make more scary thoughts come into my safe space. Making me lost in thought more and more.

I’m at the end of my Junior year and all anyone around me can talk about is the future. Senior year. College. Jobs. Life. And I have no idea what to expect or what’s to come. Since I tend to feel so lost in my own head I have to overpower that with other traits. Such as being prepared and organized. I try to take as many steps as I can now to make sure in a couple months I feel less overwhelmed. 

A big thing I have done is tried my best to think about college. I’m forcing myself to imagine where I picture myself going. One of the biggest pieces of advice many adults have given me is to go out and see as many colleges as possible. See what it feels like walking around campus, going in different buildings, seeing the people, and really seeing what these schools have to offer. Getting to go on these different college tours have opened my eyes into the future and I can actually visualize myself going somewhere. 

Before I was able to go on these tours I had to ask myself a question; What are my biggest dreams in life? As I thought about this, there were two answers I was able to come up with. I want to make a positive impact on other people and I want to see the world. Going to a college that will help me get into a career that can assist me with accomplishing these things is very important to me. Once I had an idea of possible careers that could aid me with this I was able to schedule some tours. 

The first tour I attended was at the University of Kansas. To try to prepare myself before my visit I searched on Tik Tok, “Day in my life at KU” and watched every single video I could find. This was my first time in Lawrence, Kansas so I didn’t know what to expect exactly. My mom and I left at around 7:30 in the morning since it was an almost 4 hour drive. Throughout the week we had both been receiving emails from KU Admissions saying how excited they were to see us and they included a detailed schedule of what all tours I had set up. I met with the Study Abroad Program, had an official tour of the whole campus, and had a tour of the School of Journalism and Mass Communications. 

The University of Kansas mascot, a Jayhawk, Picture Credits: https://www.kshb.com/sports/college-sports/ku/ku-game-against-colorado-canceled-due-to-covid-19-protocols

Once we got to campus my mind was a little blown. The whole campus was on an entire hill! I pictured anywhere in Kansas to be extremely flat but I was clearly wrong. We parked our car in this big parking lot that was across the street from the Welcome Center. When we started walking there was one thing that really stood out to me, almost every person was repping some sort of school merchandise. I’m not sure if it was because it was a basketball game day during March Madness or if that’s how it always is. 

When we got in the Welcome Center there was a boy on my right who looked around my age who was sitting in this big chair and on his phone. His dad was standing behind him, arms crossed, glaring around at everyone. On my left were two girls in identical outfits both talking and laughing, the dad with them was reading something on the wall. 

I noticed everyone just minding their own business and not paying attention to any of the other teenagers around them. I walked to the desk and got handed a bright blue Jayhawk bag filled with different pamphlets, including a printed version of my schedule. We had time before our tour started so my mom and I decided to walk around and look at the Student Union. 

As we were walking I felt a lot more eyes on me. Probably because of the giant blue bag I was holding that made it painfully obvious I was there on a tour. After some exploring we had to make our way back to the Welcome Center for a presentation and went upstairs to a giant conference room. There were 4 times the amount of people I saw earlier but funny enough out of everyone no one chose to sit in the front row. 

I then sat and listened to a KU alumni who was in love with this school and swore it was the best decision of his entire life. Then he played a video showing off all of the schools’ highlights of everything from sports to clubs to experiences to the town of Lawrence. When the video finished I heard sniffles coming from my mom and saw her wiping away tears with her sleeve. 

When I looked around the room I tried to read the emotions of all the other kids. Some of them looked bored, others had a giant grin on their face. I wondered if any of them were having the same thoughts as me. While the video made the school seem amazing, was I actually meant to be a Jayhawk?

Looking down Jayhawk Blvd., a street lined with the majority of the class buildings.

My official tour took about an hour and a half and I was assigned to an overly excited blonde sorority girl. She blindly walked backwards and showed me and two other prospective students around the campus. 

As I walked around I kept trying to picture myself with my little backpack walking to class. While I could picture it in the moment, looking back I don’t know if it was necessarily right. My favorite part of my day was getting to tour the KU School of Journalism and Mass Communications. I got a breakdown of the exact classes I would take and any opportunities that would be available to me. I would highly recommend touring your specific major college to help visualize what you would actually be doing on campus. 

After my 2 days in Lawrence we drove home and I worked on my pros and cons list. This helped me visually see what I liked and what I didn’t. After my mom and I talked about all of our opinions we kind of muted the conversation and just sat in our thoughts with the music softly playing in the background. 

I swear I spent an hour just staring out the window going completely insane. Never in my life had I pictured myself going to KU but I really enjoyed it. But at the same time it didn’t totally feel right. It wasn’t an obvious yes or no. I had no clue what I wanted to do. 

Two weeks later I had my OU tour. I used to live in Norman, Oklahoma so I’m Sooner born and bred but ever since I moved to Tulsa I never loved the idea of moving back. I’d rather move to a new town and get new experiences. But I still wanted to tour to see and make sure it really wasn’t for me. 

Outside of the Bizzell Memorial Library at the University of Oklahoma.

This time I went with both of my parents and we drove 2 hours down that morning. My experience was almost the exact same as KU. When we walked into the Student Union we were directed to a welcome table that was handing out pamphlets. Then we went to an auditorium filled with prospective students and I got to listen to another alumni talk about how he was in love with this school and it was the best decision of his life. 

At the front of the room was a kid decked out in OU merch from head to toe. He was a committed senior just now doing his campus tour. Once we broke off into groups I was with another overly excited blonde girl who gave the whole tour while walking completely backwards. 

As we walked around I honestly realized how much I love the school. The buildings are gorgeous and I just loved the feel of the environment. Yet it didn’t feel totally right. Especially when I toured the Gaylord College of Journalism and Mass Communication. Even though the school is nationally known it didn’t feel welcoming and I felt like I would be a small fish in this giant pool of amazingly talented students. 

The front of the Gaylord College of Journalism and Mass Communications at OU.

After this tour I felt more confused with my future. I had mentally checked off OU and didn’t think it was right for me, so why was my mind starting to change? Although I felt more at place here it still didn’t necessarily feel right. I want to step on a campus and just feel at home. So why wasn’t I feeling that?

My drive home involved me dissociating outside the window again. Neither one of my tours had felt like I found my place. But was I just being too picky? Or had I just not found the right school yet?

Two more weeks passed and I had my Arkansas tour. On this one I went with six other girls and their moms, so the situation was very different. Yet my tour experience was still the same. I watched a presentation in a room filled with anxious prospective students and listened to a proud alumni, but at least this time my tour guide was a more laid back guy.

Outside of Old Main, the oldest building on campus at the University of Arkansas.

I loved the campus and could really see myself going there, but unfortunately I didn’t get to tour their journalism school. To make up for that my friends and I found a professor to unlock the doors for us and we walked around the building and got to look through all the glass doors. Getting to see their giant newsroom with whiteboards all over the walls with peoples’ story assignments reminded me of our Trojan Torch class. 

Even though I was so intrigued by the whole school it didn’t feel right. I enjoyed all of these schools but none of them gave me a good gut feeling. 

Image of Arkansas Campus Newspaper hanging on the wall of Sue Walk Burnett Journalism and Student Media Center, photo creds: @ellaembrymedia on instagram

When I think back and reflect on my different experiences I have gained a better understanding of what it could feel like to be in college and I can better picture myself being there. While I still have no idea where I want to go, I’ve at least learned other things about myself. I know that I like the feel of a big school but don’t want to be a small fish where my voice can’t be heard. I know what these schools could offer me and resources to contact for even more information. 

Thinking about my future still makes me want to crawl into a ball and cry, but at least I’m one step closer to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. 

No matter what grade you’re in I’d highly recommend putting your big kid pants on and forcing yourself to think about your future. I’m not promising things won’t be less scary but this may help you to start to feel more in control. 

Visit your College and Career counselor for any college related questions you may have. Don’t be afraid to think because sometimes it can surprisingly help you in the long run.

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